[1] It's amazing how much I have to say to you, and yet not really have anything to say at all. Maybe it's because we've known each other so long, or maybe we are just that close, but I never have to explain myself to you. You're probably one of the few people that don't see me as the supposedly always happy person I come across as sometimes, and I really appreciate that. We've both dealt with our own problems over the last 3 years or so and I am so glad that even though we didn't necesserly deal with them together, somehow we were always there for each other in the background and in the end we still come out just as close as we before. And I know we will always be. Somethings are just meant to last I guess. Happy one year. SFS!
[2] It's sad that as much as I complain about you darn koreans I just can't seem to stay away from you. I am so glad they decided the IBET ratio sucked and switched you into my rotation. Where would I be without you? I have no idea and I dont care to find out. Most likely wandering around confusedly in some goldfish bowl somewhere. Thats right it sure is a miserable existance! And dont worry I am planning on joining orchestra one of these days, just to keep you company! And I am glad my pear is your inspiration in life...conforting to know really.
[3] I bet you'd be so surprised you got on this list, because we dont even talk that much anymore, but only because we're all so busy. You were one of the first people I met back in middle school, and even then I remember thinking that you were just so different, so special. Not many people knew so young what they wanted to do with their lives but you seemed to have it all figured out. You're always so motivated, knowing what you wanted and how you were going to get it. I cant even stress how much I admire you as a person for your determination. But it is so much more than that. Most boys youre age are immature, and sometimes even mean. But you were always so nice, to everyone. I don't know how to did it and cared so much. After so many years, you just still haven't changed. While everyone else was going through their own emotional adjustments and tramas you were steady and dependable and just the same old guy. And you deserve to be on this list because I respect you so so much - more than I thought I could have ever respected a guy.
[4] You're another old one, or should I say, really young one? It's amusing how I still forget that youre so much younger than the rest of us sometimes, because (dont let this get to your head) but you are seriosuly so much more mature than so many of the guys your age. But even so, you just can't ever escape the fate of only being my little brother. Not that you mind im sure from all that chocolate you get from me each year for your birthday. I am so proud of the way you turned out (haha not that I am responsible for any of that good upbrining or anything) and it has just been an amazing few years. Even though we don't exactly ride the bus together anymore Im sure we make up for it for all the millions of times you've given me rides (too bad you STILL seem to get lost on the way to my house even though I live...3 minutes away). If you ever need me for anything, well you know I where I live. =D
[5] I only met you last year actually, and its amazing we clicked so well considering the fact that we didn't have any classes together. I put you on this list though, because I think you need a major ego boost. You are SUCH an amazing girl, I can't even begin to stress how. You have such a passion for what you love to do, and you put in so much time to practice - even tho your parents dont give you the encouragement. That kind of dedication is so rare these days, I hope you never let your parents stop you from doing what you love so much - and what you are obviously so good at doing too! And dont even get me started on the boys...remember...if you still cant get him, just rape him! Just keep your chin up sweetie and never forget that there are people out here that care how you are doing. Don't always bottle stuff inside, its not healthy! If you ever need to vent about the parents, just come find me.
[6] It makes me so sad that I never see you anymore, not that I blame you since you seem to be so into your special someone. It's so weird how easy talking to you is. I am actually not that open with people in general- which is weird because talking to you was always SO easy. Maybe it was just you're friendly accepting easy-going manner. Or maybe it was the fact that you never tried to actually make things better after I talked to you but instead just lent me that listening ear I needed to much. And you always did know the right thing to say. I remember all the times that you always seemed to pop up an message at the times when I needed it the most. We never even talk on a regular basis but from time to time you always found the time to just check up on me. The time I remember best now is last christmas, it was your birthday too! And I was feeling especially pathetic, and somehow you made me feel better by the end and you made me laugh. You're going off to college next year and I can't even say Id miss you that much- since we never even see each other now. But I just wanted you to know that you were there for me at a really hard time last year, and I do really appreciate the fact that you were such a good buddy. (cmon I am planning to name my future puppy after you!) and ps. thanks for introducing me to meteor garden, the best chinese (or should I say taiwanesse) soap ever.
[7] A year ago, if someone asked me if there was anyone I disliked I would have said you. Unfortunetly I do actually suck at the whole not liking people thing, - not to mention the fact that I am so lazy. So I guess it means that we decided that life goes on and its better to just smooth things over and just keep walking. I guess it makes me kind of sad sometimes because I realize that even if I could bring myself to forgive, I could never forget. You did some things that hurt and a bunch more that made me really realy mad, -some I considered very over the line, but in the end it really doesn't matter. You say you've changed, and I hope for your sake you have. Because you have a good heart, you really do- which is why I can never bring myself to actually hate you. We are all human after all, but I will keep you on my pray list and hope things will look up for you in the future.
[8] You cabinet thing. (yeah I just went ahead and added that part after that convo we just had) I could list a lot of our inside jokes here, but thatd just be a long list of dicks. Or I could talk about a lot of the good times we had, but there are so many. Personally the retarded things we do are much more fun to think about. Like the whole blanket folding ritual we have. Yeah that was so hardcore. You were one of my first random friends (yay right?) well it IS yay. Because you are one of those random friends that stayed and now is a lot more significant as just a random friend. For some reason you are def. one of those people who bring out my motherly urges. Maybe its your psycho dad, but I always feel like its my job to kinda look after you and make sure you dont like fall off a cliff or something. We've drifted since freshmen year, but never too far. A lot happened this year that made me realize how I've been negleting so many of my good friends because I was selfishly wallowing in my own proble,s. I snapped out of it though, and I hope never too late. You mean so much to me and I hope I'll never lose that.
[9] So I've tried to get over you, tried to convince myself that you dont matter. But since I already fail at life, I guess this can just be one more thing to add to my list. Something used to always stop me--there would to be some little voice of reason that is always saying, maybe someday, maybe if I just wait a little bit longer. And so everytime I give in to that voice, and I wait. I've gotten past being upset over it since I obviously seem to have no control over how I feel anyway, and I've definetly moved over the whole being amused thing. Its quite sad actually, how just one person can totally screw me up so much and make me want to give in and throw all the pride I was taught to have out the window. It used to scare me how much you could affect me, because I knew you were my weakness and I thought you would be my downfall- and you almost were. But it has been three years and I'm still here. Now I actually have to turn around and thank you, because even though you don't care at all, you somehow managed to change me. Don't give yourself too much credit thought, it wasn't all you, but I would be a liar if I didnt admit that it was a huge part. But change is good, because as cliche as it sounds, it did make me stronger. The me you see today isn't the type to stress over you or even care what you think of me anymore, in fact I don't even know if I even care about you anymore. Hopefully not. There is really no point. And for that indifference I can pull off now, I thank you. Because even if I never truly get over wanting you, I will never ever need you to be happy and be who I want to be.
[10] I still hate you because I can never win the laughing game against you- sorry your face is just too funny. But other than that, I absolutely love you. It wasnt until freshmen year when we finally got close even though we knew each other way before then. Maybe I was saving one of the best for last because you are so awesome (and fat) but thats another story. You really came through for me shopomore year when a lot was going on, and I will never forget that. What I appreciate the most though is how you were always so accepting, and you never really asked but instead let me cry on your shoulder (literally). Thanks. really...just thanks. There is nothing I like better than ending a horrible day by getting on the bus and seeing that gorgeous fat face of yours. Unfortunetly thats about to end since were all around the almost driving age now. But I feel confident enough to say that we will still be good buddies.(or at least we better be)
[11] I wasn't going to put you on here. I mean it is kind of weird considering that we've seen each other a total of what? three times? But considering that I probably talk to you more than I talk to anyone else on AIM, I figured you deserved a place on the wall. You're a cool kid, and I wish for your sake that a certain someone will get over old things and start something sometime down the road. It's bound to happen. I still call being the headbridesmaid. I deserve it! Now that I think back on it, the fact that were friends is just so random. Yeah I do meet lots of random people all the time, but I dont exactly keep talking to them six months later. Guess theres a first time for everything. It still freaks me out sometimes when we do the whole thinking the same thing. Good thing we dont try to take anymore personality tests. It's such a shame your friend is such a loser, else you could have almost matched me in coolness. But then noone is as cool as me. ^__^ And just as a side note, you really are so much better than your brother. Yes you heard it here and you better believe it. So maybe he won at videogames and yes I understand that somehow proves he is superior? But the point is you are much much cooler than him and you just really need to believe it. At least to me you won't ever be second best. I just wish you would truly believe me.
[12] It's weird how I have nothing to say to you anymore, considering the fact that we used to be such good friends. I know you wondered what happened, and to tell you the truth I wondered too. Nothing exactly went wrong, but people change, or in some cases they were just never the people you thought they were. Since we both changed before too I would have to assume that you never really changed at all, and that I was just blind to who you really were before. What I see now is just such a dissappointment. I wonder how it could have turned out this way. It hurts my ego to realize that I misread someone-and I was so SO off ( in fact never even close) , especially since it isn't a mistake I make often. But even though we aren't friends anymore, I do appreciate all the fun times we had. No matter what we did have some fun times together.Somedays I'll see something and be reminded of you and just laugh, because you really are an amuseing person, even if u didnt turn out to be who I thought you were. I hope you are being true to yourself now finally and doing what makes you happy, because it was a choice you wont be able to regret. Even though the urge to regret is great, regret isn't something I ever believed in so I guess i'll have to say that im glad what happened happened because I learned an important life lesson. I will never make the same mistake again in the future. Jung may have the right idea after all - maybe sometimes its dangerous to give out trust before it is earned. Look where that led me.
[13] Number 13 because I forgot to add you on here before, but somehow its fitting. How do I describe our weird friendship? That one fateful day crazy mrs.cohen decided we needed assigned seating in English and you somehow ended up stuck with me must have been the worst day of your life. jk...I hope. Now I almost wish we were back in english together when everything was simple and happy and high school didnt suck so much. Then theres also the fact that I never see you, and I really do mean never. You and your C fetish. grrrr *shakes fist* But despite the fact that I have no idea where you are most of the time, taking a quote from you "you will always have a special place in my heart" - and you do, because you're most defiently a sexy loser. I just read all that over, and it made me sad coz it is so hard to describe you ( I just did a totally failing job). Youre just so you, and I think thats what I love the most. I will just never ever find anyone else to make fun of, coz no1 else is quite as weird as you. And you always did have this thing for showing up at the right time and making me happy. I miss you so so much. Maybe that's why you werent on here before, because it is just much easier to not realize you aren't here anymore. No matter what we say I feel us drifting, after all you have your other friends now and I have mine. But thats okay because I know if one day I really need you, you will be there for me anyway. I said this before and I'll say it again, coz this what I think these days when your name comes up- I really miss you.
[*] I saved you for last, because this was the one I knew I was going to have trouble writing. What do you say to someone you've known forever who isnt here anymore? There is no need to tell you how I felt about you, because I am pretty sure you knew. After visiting your room again after so long, the first thing that caught my eye was that picture on your bedside table with the four of us after taping one of our awesome spanish projects. I remember smiling, because I could remember all the wonderful times we had. And I do remember, so much reminds me of you now. I remember them happily because I know thats what you would have wanted from me. I miss you so much though chica, you have no idea. We had TA a week ago and we had to do this BBC excercise with our best buddy and all I could do was sit there and think "but you were my best buddy" And you still are. There is just no way I could ever replace you, not that I would want to. We had to write an essay for the reflections contest a while ago. The topic was A different kind of hero. And so that was my essay. You are a hero in every way, and the courage and love you faced life with everyday is truly an inspiration to us all. I hope you are having fun where you are now, because you sure deserve it.
